


Breathe In, Breathe Out

by Wisteria_Leigh



Series: Prompted Works [2]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Singer Falls, The Barns, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wisteria_Leigh/pseuds/Wisteria_Leigh
Summary: “You’ll find someone better once you leave.”“What did you say?” Adam asked sharply.Ronan froze. He hadn’t meant to repeat that out loud.





	Breathe In, Breathe Out

**Author's Note:**

> An Anon tumblr prompt ask: "I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere."

_Did you really think he’d stay with you?_

The world was black.

_No one can be trusted, Ronan._

A time lapse of lightning flickered on the horizon. Thunder shook his bones.

_I thought I taught you better._

In the erratic lightshow, Niall appeared.

_He’s not made for you._

Words fell from his broken skull like brain matter and bone.

_You are temporary._

He grew, face crumbling as his body soared upward. Looming above Ronan.

_He’ll find someone kinder once he leaves this place._

Niall’s skin began to peel away.

_Someone stronger._

Feathers black as pitch, shining with blood.

_Someone better._

Echoing wails and screams. A sheet of rain closing in. Ronan felt a tear roll down his cheek.

A hand on his shoulder. Nails made brittle by decay, tightening against his skin.

 _My darling._  Aurora whispered.  _You always knew it would come to this. You knew you were never good enough for that magical boy._

Her body hung in strips. A smile with nothing more than a few teeth.

_You always knew._

_Always._

The storm hit.

“Lynch,” said a voice. Distant. Not of this world.

Ronan was drowning in mud. Aurora melted into the sludge. Niall flickered out of existence.

“Lynch,” it called again.

Trying to drag himself out. He was sinking. Drowning. Can’t see. Can’t breath. Can’t think.

“Ronan,” it demanded. “Wake up.”  

He obeyed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ronan snapped forward at the waist with a gasp, fists flying. A punch landed with a sickening thud.

“OW, Lynch!” Adam cried, though he sounded more surprised than anything. “Jesus,  _shit_.”

Ronan grasped at the bedcovers, staggering to his feet. Breathe. He needed to breathe. He felt mud stuck inside his throat. He was going to choke. Oh God. He’d brought it back. Couldn’t breathe the mud was stuck he–

“Ronan?” Adam said softly.

_Temporary._

He’d woken right up. No paralysis. There wasn’t mud in his throat. It was okay.

Adam moved slowly through the dark. He switched on lamp by their bedside, blinking rapidly against the yellow light. He rubbed his shoulder.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. In and out. In and out. In. Out.

“Ronan,” Adam repeated. His articulation slurred, but his tone was strong. Firm. Grounding.

Ronan closed his eyes.

Breathe in. Breathe out. In and out.

Adam was still watching when he opened them again. Tired, but ready. Waiting for Ronan’s cues.

_He’s not made for you._

Ronan swallowed. Tried again. Tried a third time. The lump in his throat wouldn’t leave. Clenched and unclenched his fists.

_He’ll find someone stronger._

Clamped his eyes shut. Ground his teeth together. The storm was closing in. Blood pounded in his ears. Breathe in. In. In. In. In  in  in in in in in ininininininininin—

Adam shifted. “Ronan–”

Ronan ran.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Virginian August averaged 93% humidity, even during the darkest parts of night. Skin slick with sweat shimmered in the dim porch lights and moonlight as Ronan ran from the house. Cicada hums undulated along the treeline, like waves lapping against the shore. Crickets sang. A train whistle bellowed somewhere far away. The rest of the world remained asleep.

Breathe in.

Ronan sank to his knees in the field. He dug his nails into his scalp.

Breathe out.

A sob ripped free from his chest, breaking the thick silence of the night. The cicadas cried louder in reply.

_Do you really think he’d stay with you?_

Yes, God yes, of course he did. Adam told him he would. Adam told him that distance was nothing but miles on a map. That he’d get a phone. That Ronan would need to use his. That he had breaks once a month. That Ronan could visit whenever. That he would visit when he could. That they'd be okay. 

_No one can be trusted._

It was all words right now, though. Not acted. Not practiced. Not tested and tried. Nothing more than a hypothesis. They'd never been apart like that. Never dealt with each other through only phones and texts and faith that the other would be honest about their feelings, their stresses, their health. Never had to comfort each other from miles apart. Never been left alone after knowing what togetherness looked like. 

_He’ll find someone kinder once he leaves this place._

Adam only knew Henrietta. He hadn't traveled beyond this tiny little town wedged between mountains; the only people he'd ever met were its meager population of rich bastards and poor opioid addicts and the few decent souls in between. He didn't know what it was like elsewhere: the freedom he could have, the people he could meet.

Ronan was his best option here. Wouldn’t be his best option elsewhere. Adam could find someone more manageable. Less dangerous. More flexible. Less of a failure. More of a genius. Less of a damaged, broken thing. More like Adam. Less like Ronan.

Ronan scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to swallow the rest of the tears.

_You always knew you were never good enough for that magical boy._

Maybe he did know that. Maybe he'd always know it. Maybe he'd just hoped it didn't matter. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ronan laid in the grass and watched the stars shift for what felt like a lifetime. He waited until he stopped crying. Then until he stopped thinking. Then until he stopped feeling.

Only once he was completely empty of everything did he uproot himself from the dirt and dew and weeds and trudge back to the house.

Adam was waiting for him on the porch, curled up against the support beam, mouth parted in the deep, dreamless sleep of the exhausted. Two glasses of water sat beside him. Ronan’s hoodie was cradled in his arms.

Ronan downed both cups and guided the jacket from Adam’s grip. Adam blinked awake, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as Ronan threaded him arms through the hoodie and settled beside him.

And Adam waited. Patient as ever.

“You’re leaving soon,” Ronan said at last, restarting a conversation they’d had at least 37 times before.

“Yes,” Adam replied softly, the same as he’d replied every other time. “And I’m going to come back.”  

_You always knew it would come to this. You knew you were never good enough for that magical boy._

“What if you don’t,” Ronan said.

“I will,” Adam replied.

_Never good enough._

“But what if you don’t,” Ronan said again. More venom. More bite.

“What if you stopped asking stupid questions,” Adam countered.

Ronan gnawed at the leather bands around his wrist. “Fuck you,” he spat back.

Adam sighed. “Do you want me to come back?” he asked quietly.

Ronan lowered his gaze as he dropped his wrist back to his lap. “Yes,” he said.

“Then I will,” Adam said. Like it was the simplest thing in the world.

_He’ll find someone better once he leaves._

“You’ll find someone better once you leave.” _  
_

“What did you say?” Adam asked sharply.

Ronan froze. He hadn’t meant to repeat that out loud.

“Lynch. What did you just say,” Adam demanded, tired eyes fierce and lips pressed into a thin line.  

Ronan chewed on his bottom lip, brow furrowed as he stared intently at his wrist and picked the fraying edges of the leather.

“You’re going to find someone better,” he murmured. “Someone who isn’t a fucking high school drop-out living in the shitty bumfuck town you hate. A wannabe doctor or some shit like that. And you’ll be a fucking power couple.”

Breathe in. Breathe out. His leg jittered. He wanted so badly to run.

“And it won’t be someone who has a fuckload of baggage or who can kill you in their sleep or who can’t seem to get his shit together enough to just dream back the goddamn forest he made when he was a fucking five year old.”

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“And you’ll never have to come back to this miserable fucking place ever again. And you can forget about all the shit you dealt with here and–”

His voice broke. He bit his lip harder.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

“Are you done?” Adam asked suddenly.

Ronan swallowed. He nodded.

“If I didn’t want to be here, do you honestly think I’d be here?” Adam asked gently.

Ronan sniffled, and picked harder at his bracelets. His leg was still shaking.

Adam put a hand on his knee and held it still. Ronan stole a glance at his slender fingers.

“Yeah. I’m going away. But I’m not leaving  _you_. Until you stop wanting me here, I’ll be here. Right here, even if not _right here,_ y'know?” Adam said. “I’m not going anywhere."

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Ronan dragged his forearm across his eyes. Adam cleared the rest of the tear tracks with his thumb.

“Okay?” Adam asked gently, pulling up to Ronan’s side and wrapping an arm around his waist.

“Okay,” Ronan replied, taking Adam’s hand in his and bringing his fingers to his lips. Adam laid his head on Ronan’s shoulder.

Together, they watched the world turn into morning. 


End file.
